


Volleyball Gays™: Bake-off  *gone wrong*

by applekenma



Series: Volleyball Gays™: Adventures! [4]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: AND BOKUTO AND KUROO, Akaashi Keiji Is So Done, Akaashi and Kenma are Smart, Bake Off, Basically, Bokuto is a Himbo, Chaos, Gen, Genderfluid Kozume Kenma, Hell's Kitchen, Hinata Shoyou is Uselsss, Humor, I am so sorry, ISTG IF HINATA BURNS THE HOUSE DOWN, Kageyama Tobio is Bad at Feelings, Kageyama is being sweet to Hinata, Kozume Kenma is a Good Friend, Kuroo Tetsurou is a Good Friend, Near Death Experiences, Protective Boyfriends, Semi and Shirabu started all of this, Sugawara Koushi Is Rich, Sugawara Koushi Regrets Life, The Author Regrets Everything, The kitchen turns into hell, he just keeps eating cookie dough
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-13
Updated: 2020-07-13
Packaged: 2021-03-04 20:54:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,016
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25242715
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/applekenma/pseuds/applekenma
Summary: [PART TWO OF CHAPTER 41 IN "volleyball gays™"]Suga decides to have a bake-off at his house.That was the worst decision of his life
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou, Hanamaki Takahiro/Matsukawa Issei, Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru, Kindaichi Yuutarou/Kunimi Akira, Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou, Sawamura Daichi/Sugawara Koushi, Semi Eita/Shirabu Kenjirou, Tendou Satori/Ushijima Wakatoshi
Series: Volleyball Gays™: Adventures! [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1826164
Comments: 17
Kudos: 73





	Volleyball Gays™: Bake-off  *gone wrong*

**Author's Note:**

> my hand hurts from writing this 15-page one-shot, by hand, in one go
> 
> (Lmao, but this one-shot reminds me of a cooking competition show that went down in flames)  
> (Okay, but I need to stop writing Tendou and Ushijima being obsessed with social media)

Suga was at his house, taking out all the ingredients they might need for this bake-off he decided to do. His parents had to go buy so much flour, sugar, and icing but his parents are rich so it didn't really matter. Suga had convinced his parents to hang out by themselves for once, so he had the whole mansion to himself.

While he was getting out the 6th bag of flour, the doorbell rang. Suga exhaled, bracing himself for the chaos that was about to happen. He looked into the peephole to see 23 excited people waiting at the door. Suga started to regret this after he opened the door. He immediately got bombarded by crazy volleyball players trying to squeeze through the door.

"Oh, wow!! Your house is so big, Suga-san," Hinata jumped up and down. Kageyama glared at him.

"Stop being so loud, dumbass," he said, chasing after the red-head. Tsukishima and Yamaguchi looked at them, concerned, but walked into the house as well.

Makki, Mattsun, Noya, and Tanaka were singing at the top of their lungs like always, a stressed Asahi trailing behind them, trying to get them to lower their voices. Oikawa and Iwaizumi, holding hand, walked in. Oikawa was mumbling under his breath, jealous that Suga was so rich while Iwaizumi just looked done with life. Kunimi and Kindaichi, also holding hands, ignored everyone around them, and looked at each other with loving eyes.

F

Bokuto, Akaashi, Kuroo, and Kenma came in from behind them. Bokuto and Kuroo were laughing their asses off while Kenma and Akaashi looked so done, but had a small smile on their face. Lev and Yaku were lagging behind a little bit because Yaku had kicked Lev in the shins because Lev talked about his height. Lev is now on the floor, groaning in pain. Finally, the Shiratorizawa group came in with an excited Tendou looking around the mansion.

"This place is so Instagram worthy!" he said and Ushijima couldn't agree more. It _is_ a pretty nice house. Shirabu, Semi, and Goshiki came in last. Goshiki was overwhelmed by how big the mansion was.

"I-it's so big!" he said, trembling and looking around the mansion. Semi and Shirabu sighed and patted his shoulder awkwardly.

"It's going to be fine. It's just a big house," Semi said. Goshiki felt a little better hearing that from Semi. If it was Tendou telling him that, he probably wouldn't believe him.

Everyone went into the living room to put their bags of extra clothes away and headed into the kitchen. (Suga had asked everyone to bring an extra change of clothes because he knew everyone would be messy little shits)

Suga clapped his hands to get everyone's attention, "So, as I said yesterday, we're going to have a bake-off to see which pair is the best at baking. I already have all the ingredients and tools for everything," he looked at everyone to see if they were paying attention and continued, "You'll get into pairs and you'll discuss for five minutes what you're going to make. You'll have an hour and thirty minutes to bake and once the time is up, everyone will vote for the best dessert. You can't vote for yourself," Suga looked at Oikawa at this, making him blush and turn away, "The winning team gets 4000 yen each."

Everyone murmured excitedly at that. They really wanted that 400 yen. Suga and Daichi then handed everyone their own apron. 

_How is Suga so fucking rich?!_ everyone thought.

After that, everyone got into pairs:

The teams dispersed and started discussing what they were going to make for this bake-off.

* * *

Kageyama and Hinata were in one corner of the kitchen of the big ass kitchen, discussing what they were going to do.

"Let's do cupcakes!!" Hinata exclaimed, beaming at the sprinkles that were on the counter.

"No, dumbass! I don't know how to make those," he whacked Hinata on his head, who whined and hit him back.

"Stop hitting me, dumbass!" he hit Hinata again.

Hinata punched Kageyama's arm, "Then stop hitting me!" After that, it turned into a full-on fistfight, with an exasperated Daichi trying to separate them. 

They finally decided on volleyball cookies.

After the five minutes were up, Suga set a timer on his phone for an hour and thirty minutes.

"Our time starts...now!!" Everyone ran into the kitchen, pushing each other to get their ingredients. The only pair who weren't running were Akaashi and Kenma, who gracefully walked into the kitchen. 

"So, I was thinking maybe we should do an apple pie with cinnamon-flavored ice cream?" Kenma asked, tying their hair into two pigtails. They didn't really have that much time to discuss because their boyfriends kept nagging them with their not-so-funny jokes.

Akaashi leaned against a counter, "Sure, but how are we going to make the ice cream?"

Kenma pointed behind him where they were 2 icecream machine's on one of the counters. Akaashi's jaw dropped. How could someone afford that?? Aren't they like, 214,000 yen each?! Come to think of it, this whole kitchen was big as hell. There were 2 islands, each one as big as 2 king-size beds put together. There were 5 mixers, 4 ovens, and a ginormous open pantry around the whole kitchen. It was like they were in Masterchef basically.

"Wow," Akaashi said in awe, getting up to get all of their ingredients while Kenma got the tools. They glanced at their boyfriends to see what they were up to. Bokuto and Kuroo decided to make muffins but right now, it looks like they're making a disaster.

"Bro, look at how fast the mixer will go," Bokuto said, turning on the mixer to 10. Muffin batter splattered all over Bokuto and Kuroo. They both started laughing hysterically, doing it again. Akaashi and Kenma rolled their eyes and went back to work.

* * *

Oikawa and Iwaizumi decided to make chocolate chip cookies. While Iwaizumi was making the dough, Oikawa got out some icing and melting chocolate to decorate the cookies with. 

"Iwa-chan, we should put my face on the cookies," Oikawa said, melting some of the chocolates. Iwaizumi grimaced.

"And why's that?"

Oikawa looked up at him and smiled, "So we could win first place, of course!"

"Wouldn't we get last if your face was on it?" Iwaizumi smirked at Oikawa who frowned.

"Mean, Iwa-chan!" Oikawa playfully smacked his arm, "Can we please try at least?"

Iwaizumi huffed, "Ugh, fine," he said, Oikawa not knowing that Iwaizumi was going to draw trashcans on the cookies.

\----

Across the room, Makki and Mattsun were also making cookies, except they were white chocolate. (so underrated. smh)

"Babe, let's draw Pepe the Frog on our cookies," Mattsun smirked, adding sugar to the cookie dough mixture.

Makki laughed, "That would be hella funny. Babe, you have the best ideas," he grabbed green melting chocolate.

"Damn right I do!" Makki exclaimed with a grin.

\----

On one of the Islands, Asahi, Noya, and Tanaka were attempting on making banana bread. Noya and Tanaka wanted to draw Doge on it which made Asahi sigh but didn't want to get yelled out so he decided to let them do it. Asahi was currently trying to put the bread in the oven but retracted his hand back, scared of burning himself.

"I can't do this!" Asahi said, distressed. Tanaka and Noya roll their eyes, helping Asahi put the pan in the oven.

\----

Tsukishima and Yamaguchi were at the stove making dinosaur shaped Rice Krispies (Courtesy of Tsukishima Kei). They were actually doing a pretty good job, minding their own business. Daichi and Suga were too, making red velvet cupcakes. At least some people were sane.

\----

Tendou and Ushijima were making simple brownies. Tendou adding an eggshell in everyone's portion. He really is a fucking sadist. Across them were Lev and Yaku making cookies n' creme ice cream. Lev was doing all the work, not wanting Yaku to do anything that would make him get hurt. That earned a kick to the shins.

Yaku huffed, "I can do things myself, Lev!!"

"But, Yaku-san!! What if you're trying to reach the high shelves in you fall because you're too sh-" Lev got caught off by another kick to the shins. #SaveLevsShins

Now, the next group is what caused all the chaos that was about to happen.

* * *

Semi, Shirabu, and Goshiki wanted to try to make a two-tier vanilla cake. They were all situated at a corner of one of the islands. 

"Semi-senpai, do you need anything?" Goshiki asked with a smile.

Semi siled back slightly, "Uh, yeah, maybe a few pans and molding chocolate," Semi wanted to go all out on this cake. Shirabu, who was currently mixing the buttercream, sighed. His arm was getting tired so he stopped mixing, wanting to rest his elbow on the island. Instead of landing on the island, his elbow hit the edge of the wooden spoon he was using to mix the buttercream hard. The spoon flew in the air, hitting a nearby cabinet.

"Oops...," he murmured, turner to get paper towels to clean off the buttercream on the cabinet. He carefully climbed onto the counter so he could reach the buttercream. He successfully cleaned it off, turning around to jump off the counter when his foot accidentally slipped on the bowl full of Semi's cake batter and tumbled off the counter. Fourtenetly, Semi has fast reflexes and caught Shirabu from falling to his death. Goshiki came back from his mission and immediately ran to his senpai.

"Senpai! Are you okay?!" Goshiki asked, frantically checking to see if his senpai was hurt.

Shirabu removed himself from Semi's arms, "Yup, just peachy." Goshiki didn't get that he was being sarcastic and went to go organize their equipment. 

When Goshiki was gone, Semi looked at the batter that was on the floor then glared at Shirabu.

"You ruined the fucking cake."

"Sorry," Shirabu didn't sound like he meant it and shrugged his shoulders.

Semi picked up a handful of batter and threw it at Shirabu, "Now we can't make our damn cake!"

Shirabu gasped, "How dare you?!" He picked up some buttercream in his hand and aimed it at Semi.

But it landed on Oikawa.

Oikawa shrieked and turned around, "Shirabu-chan, what the hell?! You ruined my alien shirt!" He then grabbed some sugar and thew it at Shirabu.

But it landed in Kageyama's shirt. (People are really not on their A-game today)

Kageyama was on one of the counters working on icing when he felt something grainy run down his shirt. He turned around to see Hinata behind him.

"Dumbass, why did you put sugar or salt in my damn shirt?!" he asked Hinata who was happily eating the cookie dough he was made.

Hinata jumped from the sudden noise, "What, I didn't throw anything," he said over a mouthful of chocolate they were supposed to use.

Kageyama raised his fist, "Yes, you did dumbass! You were right behind me!"

Hinata was scared so he decided to blame it on two people, "It was Noya-san and Tanaka-san!!"

Kageyama's glare trailed down to them, "Oh...u-uh... so-soz? Sou-sorry? Yeah, sorry for blaming it on you," he said, embarrassed.

Hinata's face softened, "It's fine, Yamayama."

Kageyama blushed at the nickname but went back to rage mode and grabbed some cookie dough (much to Hinata's dismay) and threw it at Noya and Tanaka.

They were about to get their cakes out of the oven and gasped, but it soon turned into a smirk.

Noya turned away from the oven, "Bro, are we having a food fight?" he asked, glancing at Shirabu, Semi, Kageyama, and Oikawa (he figured out it was actually him) having a food fight.

Tanaka smirked, "I think we are!" he then grabbed two handfuls of yellow icing and turned to Makki and Mattsun, "THINK FAST," he threw the icing at them. 

Makki and Mattsun didn't even flinch and smiled at each other before climbing on top of the island with fistfuls of buttercream, screaming, "FOOD FIGHT!!"

Asahi regretted life right there and then and went to lock himself inside one of the bathrooms.

Meanwhile, Makki and Mattsun threw two fistfuls of buttercream at Tendou, Tsukishima, Lev, and Daichi. 

Tendou screeched, "You ruined my Haikyuu shirt!!!" he threw a can of opened sprinkles at them.

Tsukishima who was at the stove gathered a clump of Rice Krispy, "Itadakimasu, bitches," he said before throwing it at Daichi accidentally.

"Pfft, bye Tsukki! I'm not about to get killed," Yamaguchi waved, hiding underneath one of the islands. Tsukishima was absolutely terrified for the first time in his life. RIP Tsukishima Kei

I guess he was lucky today because Daichi thought Bokuto was the one who threw it and stalked over to him. Suga was also done with life and hid under the same island as Yamaguchi.

Daichi glared, "Why did you throw this at me?" he asked, removing the sticky mess on his shirt.

Bokuto cocked his head, "I didn't," he said simply.

Daichi didn't believe him and walked to Bokuto, one step at a time, while Bokuto was trying to back away from him. 

Akaashi, Kenma, and Kuroo watch the scene, amused.

"He's totally dead," Kuroo said, protecting Kenma from flying cookie dough.

Kenma smiled, "Looks like he's having a fun time," they said sarcastically.

Meanwhile, Lev was protecting Yaku from everything he could.

"Ah, Yaku-san!" he shielded Yaku from some chocolate icing, landing on his apron.

Yaku blushed slightly and crossed his arms, "You don't have to protect me, you Beanpole! I can defend myself!"

Lev smiled, "But I wanna protect you, Yaku-san!"

Yaku spluttered, blushing even more, "W-What?! Stop saying weird things, Lev!" he scowled. Lev just grinned, not listening to what Yaku had to say.

Tendou and Ushijima took out their phone, recording the chaos to put on their Snapchat story, Oikawa and Iwaizumi were currently throwing canola oil at each other, Semi and Shirabu were on top of the island, testing, Kageyama, Noya, Tanaka, Makki, and Mattsun are throwing green and yellow icing everywhere, and Hinata was still eating cookie dough on the counter. It was chaotic.

Kunimi and Kindaichi rolled their eyes and went into the living room for some privacy. 

Akaashi and Kenma were down with their apple pie, they just needed to bake it. Kenma bent down to put the pie in the oven, Kuroo ogling at the sight he saw underneath their skirt.

Kenma turned around and smirked, "Pervert."

Kuroo babbled and blushed, trying to deny it but failed miserably.

Daichi was still walking towards Bokuto, who was backing up to the stove. What he didn't know was that he was holding oven-mitt and it accidentally touched the gas on the stove. Now it's on fire. Daichi immediately fled the scene.

Bokuto screeched and ran to the nearest sink, but the oil Oikawa and Iwaizumi were throwing at each other was on the floor. Bokuto slipped and the lol and collided with Kuroo, the oven-mitt right next to his face. On fire.

"Bo, what the fuck?!" he asked frantically, jumping over the island so he could put out the oven-mitt that was on fire.

But he slipped on the oil too.

By now the oven-mitt was flailing up with fire because it landing in the oil as well. Goshiki was screaming and running around the kitchen like a madman to hide under an island

Akaashi rushed to Kuroo's side with a bowl of water and poured the water on the flaming oven-mitt. Kenma laughed, watching the scene from the ice cream maker.

"Kuro's such an idiot," they murmured, "but he's my idiot," they whispered the last part with a smile.

Hinata was ignoring everything around him, melting some chocolate in the microwave.

Except he put it in a metal bowl. Which is in the microwave right now.

Suga looked up from under the island and raced to Hinata, "What do you think you're doing?! I don't want my house to burn down!"

Hinata frowned, confused, "But I'm just warming chocolate?"

Suga screeched, "In a goddamn metal bowl! It can catch on fire if you put it in a microwave!"

That's when they heard sparks coming from the microwave.

Suga gasped, turning it off, "Look at what you've done," he frowns, looking at the distorted metal bowl.

Hinata sounded like he was going to cry, "I-I'm sorry, Suga-san. I didn't know..."

Suga sighed and smiled sadly, "It's fine, Hinata. Just don't do anything dumb again."

Hinata nodded and went back to eating his cookie dough.

By now everyone was having a full-blown food fight. People throwing batter and icing, others fighting on top of the islands. Suga has had enough.

"STOP!!" he yelled at the top of his lungs, Everyone froze, stopping what they were doing. Yamaguchi and Goshiki peeked from under the island. Kindaichi and Kunimi didn't give a fuck and continued their conversation in the living room.

"Look at the mess you guys created!" he gestured at the hell in the kitchen, "You guys better clean this up!" He then glared the deadliest glare anyone had ever witnessed.

"Yes, sir," everyone said in unison and got to cleaning.

* * *

An hour and a half later, the kitchen was sparkling clean. Everyone was groaning and moaning on the floor. Everyone's desserts are either demolished or burnt in the oven.

Except for one team.

Akaashi and Kenma were finishing their baked apple pie while everyone was having the food fight. Kenma put a caramel drizzle to top it off.

Akaashi sighed and leaned his head on his best friend's shoulder, "We're done."

"Finally," Kenma mumbled.

By now, everyone went into the bathrooms to change their clothes except for Akaashi and Kenma. (Thanks Bokuto and Kuroo)

They walked up to Suga and let out their hand, "4000 yen, please."

Suga sighed, exasperated, handing them their 4000 yen each, "I regret everything."

Akaashi and Kenma smirked and left to find their respective boyfriends.

After everyone left, Suga went inside of the laundry room to get some tide pods to eat for dinner.


End file.
